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A LOOK INTO MY BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
MY MOODS LEAD ME INTO MADDNESS
MY RAZOR IS MY BEST FRIEND.
CUTTING IS WHAT I DO TO RELEIVE THE PAIN.
SUICIDE IS ALWAYS A REALITY.
DEATH IS ALWAYS WELCOME
Its a crappy wet day.
I've been taking my pills like i'm soposed
to.
i probably should try to so they can see if theyre working.
i really dont know how they are gong to see if they are working or how they can tell if i'm actually taking them.
I mean i can lie & say I am.
I can lie and say my moods have been great, no dark ones.
i mean, unless they are with me 24-7, how do they know for sure if what i'm saying is the truth.
i hate that the doc just gave me only 2 weeks worth of meds!!!
i really dont think he trusts me.
i think he might be afraid i would take them all if i had alot of them.
and ya know what?
i couldnt promis him that i wouldnt.
i hate when they ask you "Do you still want to hurt yourself?"
If you wanted to hurt yourself, would you be able to ask for help?"
"Would you be able to stop yourself?"
I mean, how can they expect me to answer that.
I dont know what I would do until the situation takes place.
right now tho i would have to say that if i'm in a dark enough place where i am going to hurt myself with the intention of killing myself, i doubt very much if i am going to stop or ask someone for help.
when i get to that point, there is no turning back for me.
no matter what kind or how much meds i'm on.
i kept myself busy today ,did some laundry and made some bread to go with dinner and some chocolate chip cookies for dessert.
i downloaded SAW 2 and burned it to DVD yesterday and i watched it today.
fucking great!!
As good and as gorey as the first one!
I got Wolf Creek & Jar Head too.
And I downloaded an album by James Blunt.
Desperate Housewives is on tonight but its a repeat.
So is Charmed.
Oh well, thats it for today.
I love frogs....but that has to be the most disturbing frog I have ever seen! LOL! It's a crappy rainy day here too and I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Hang in there....tomorrow is a new day! 
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